Miranda's Blog

Living for eternity...

2010-12-13T01:26:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I go home in just a week. My stomach is in knots as I think about it. I feel both excited and terrified. Fear of the unknown, fear of not belonging, fear of not living with a heavenly perspective...

I've been thinking a lot lately about an eternal perspective. I realize that majority of the time I don't live with an eternal perspective. I spent my very last evening with a friend in Taiwan, a friend who doesn't know Jesus, and yet I didn't mention Jesus' name. She has heard my testimony and I've told her about Jesus, but I can't help but feel like I should have said more on this particular night and many other nights that we spent together. What am I so afraid of? Do I believe in the kingdom of God or not?

I sit and I worry about things that won't matter in the life to come. Today, this time that we have been given on earth is just a blink of an eye. Why do I waste so much time worrying about things that I cannot take into eternity with me?

Am I willing to give my all for the kingdom of God? Am I willing to not be liked or even hated? Am I willing to leave everything behind and not look back? Family? Church home? Friends? money? Stability? the possibility of getting married?

Our base leader today was talking about how passion and commitment go hand and hand. True passion results in commitment come rain or shine. He talked about how part of the root meaning of the actual word "decide" is death. When we make a decision for one thing we have to put many other options to death in order to give life to the one option. I hate putting any options to death! I hate goodbyes and saying no to one thing. THis fear and hatred of decision making completely controls my life and immobalizes me. One minute I'm talking about my desire to try and get a job with mercy ministries in Nashville, the next I'm talking about India and the next Russia... I weigh the cost and think about what would be good for "me."

One of the main things that I have learned these past few years is that you cannot put your trust in mankind. I have held on tight to so many relationships, healthy, not healthy ones, and watched as they have slipped through my fingers as sand. I live for those close relationships that God has given to me, I idolize them. THen my world around me comes crashing down everytime things change. I spend more energy trying to maintain and force things to stay the same then I spend energy thinking about the eternal. Again, what am I living for? Is it eternity or my own temporary hapiness?

No matter where I go, more than anything else, I pray for a revelation of God's glory and an eternal perspective. I want to be like Ezekiel, that when he lost everything, including his wife, he obeyed God and served him whole heartedly.

"Jesus, I ask that you would make this generation a people that live for your glory and for your name. Please give us a revelation of your holiness and your glory. Please give help us to live with an eternal perspective and not just for this life."

Thoughts on friendship...

2010-11-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about friendships a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about the ups and downs and about how seasonal friendships can be. If it were up to be I’d hold on tight to all of my wonderful friends and never let them go. Life just doesn’t work like that though. Some friends may be a permanent fixture in our life and some may just be there for a season.

This past week I was up on the roof of my building. It’s the one place here where I feel free to scream, cry, dance, sing and just converse with God. I was talking to God about friendships in my life. I was lamenting the seasonal ones and asking God how to handle the ins and outs in life. The only answer I got was, “Do you trust me Miranda? Do you trust ME to meet all of your needs?”

I went back to my room a little down in the dumps, went to bed, got up and went to class and then I started to study the book of Jeremiah. Wow! Jeremiah had no friends, his family turned against him, and practically everyone hated him! God told him to not take a wife and to not have children. Jeremiah was the definition of alone… if you are looking to worldly standards. I started to feel really sorry for Jeremiah and just sat with my Bible, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. Would God one day give me a call like Jeremiah’s? What if God asked me to truly be alone? What if God asked me to go to a place where people hated the gospel and they hated me? What if I had to completely give up my earthly friendships and only have a relationship with the LORD? Hm… pretty heavy stuff. After feeling pretty sorry for myself and for Jeremiah I went back to my studies.

This is when I saw something amazing. Jeremiah 17:5 says, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD,” but then in Jeremiah 17:7 it says, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD; whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes…” When I read these passages God gave my heart a revelation. I was looking at everything all wrong. I was feeling sorry for myself for not having a person that I could depend on being a constant, no matter what. Then I realized, a relationship with God is better than thousands of constant relationships. Trusting in God is better than a husband or a best friend. I AM BLESSED! It’s not that God may not give me a husband, or friends that will last for the rest of my life, but God was reminding me that no matter what happens I am simply blessed to have a constant relationship with him. The creator of the universe dwells in my heart and talks to me. He loves me and knows me intimately! It doesn’t get any better than that!

My life in Taiwan

2010-09-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I keep hearing that people are asking about what I am doing now days and so I thought a video would be the best way to fill people in. I'd love to hear from everyone back home so feel free to email me: mirandawrd@gmail.com.

Hope you're all doing well!

Idol Worship in Taiwan

2010-07-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

There is dark heaviness that settles over Dan Shui, Taiwan as the temple workers and gangs parade their gods from one temple to the next. As I walk the flooded streets of Taiwan, I’m afraid took look up, to see the people, but too curious not to. They drink, get high, and open themselves up to the spirits of their gods by cutting themselves and hitting themselves with mallets. They wear heavy costumes and offer their own bodies to be the embodiment of the gods. The demonic possession of these people is apparent in their eyes and in their occasional times of body convulsions. I find myself in a sea of lost, bloody, and heavily burdened people. The Taiwanese, who are not participating in the parade, walk by with terror on their faces. They are so afraid of these gods and their servants.

I am reminded again of why we share the Gospel. We personally know the one and only God and are surrounded by people who worship false gods. Even in America we live in a sea of lost people, looking for the answers through their idols of money, sex, relationships, drugs, etc etc. Again I am faced with the question, will I share Jesus with others? Will I lay aside my rights and fears and just tell as many people as I can about the forgiveness of sins, the life, that is found only in Jesus?

This incredible God I worship doesn’t require me to mutilate my body. I don’t walk in a heaviness and dark cloud. Jesus delivers from the darkness and does not inflict darkness. Most importantly, Jesus is truth. He is a God who was not created by human hands. He created the universe! Jesus brings life and love.

Will I ever snap out of my world of tolerance? How long will I listen to the lies that sharing the gospel is cruel and close minded? There could not possibly be more blatant proof before my eyes that people need to hear about Jesus! I pray that God moves in boldness in my life and in the lives of believers all over the world. I pray that we wouldn’t just seek the Holy Spirit to make us feel better, but that we would ask God to pour his Spirit into our lives that we could more boldly proclaim the truth.

1st term of SBS...

2010-06-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it but my very first term in the School of Biblical Studies (SBS), here in Taiwan, is over. This has definitely been one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had. We have thrown ourselves into many of the New Testament books and God has been using them to convict me, challenge me and to teach me more about his character. Some of my favorite books so far have been: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Mark, Romans, James, and Acts. Ok… so it’s really hard to choose.

While I was studying the book of Romans I was blown away by God’s grace and mercy in my life. The book deals so much with the fallen nature of man and the righteousness of God. I could see how God has been intensely pursuing and lavishing his love on me my entire life. I was humbled more than ever by the fact that I am a sinner and I don’t deserve anything but God’s wrath and judgment. In spite of all my sin, God in his love sent his son to die, so that I could be reconciled with him. Amazing!

Ephesians… loved the book! Apostle Paul was writing to the saints in Ephesus. This is a people group who were surrounded by pagan worship, mystery cults, and different astrology beliefs. One of the things that the Ephesians believed is that the alignment of the starts, when they were born, determined which god had control over their life. One of my favorite things about the book of Ephesians is when Paul says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus” (Ephesians 1:3-5). The Ephesians had been told their entire life that fate decided that they belonged to this or that god. A god whom they feared and who they believed would cause more harm in their lives than good. Then Paul blows the Ephesians away by telling them that God loves them and chose them before he even created the world. The same is true for you and I. I am a believer because God loves me. He chose to love and call me out as his own before he even created the world!!! What a mighty God we serve!

The book of Mark was so much fun to study! I think I laughed until I cried at some of the apostle’s funny comments. Then I was intensely convicted in all of the ways I too manage to doubt God’s provision after he has miraculously provided one time after another. After finishing the book I felt like I had just spent days hanging out with Jesus and the apostles. Laughing, witnessing the miracles and love of Jesus, and even mourning the death of Jesus. What a wonderful book!

The Bible has come alive to me during the past 3 months. Please continue to pray for me and that I’ll continue to read the word for transformation. I praise God for this blessing of being in his word and can’t wait to share with others all that God has been doing!

Where to find them...

2010-05-19T04:42:00.001-07:00

I know I've done a poor job of keeping people updated so I'm going to try harder. As time is limited I'll just try and write things like this as they come up:
I was reading in Romans 1 where Paul is talking about the results of a man not acknowledging God, the Creator. He says basically that this decision seperates them from God and their passions and unrighteousness takes over. As I was thinking about that I wrote this poem:

"They can't find you anywhere,
Where could this person be,
Her quiet desperation is no longer quiet,

Already divorced and now alone,
She hangs her head and cries.

After very meal, snack and drink,
She lets out a cry and herself she purges.

Left rejected and despised,
She lost her friends and hurt them too.

She sings and sings but her words are empty,
There is always another who is supreme.

She never sleeps because when she does,
The terror and screams leave her more restless than before.

She feels like shattered glass,
Never to be whole and a dnager to all who come near.

She hates herself, never thinks of another,
Thoughts of killing herself are far too common.

Where can you find this girl?
Remove Christ blood, HIS work on the cross,
And withold the Holy Spirit.
Then run to the grave, the pit of despair,
And you'll find me lying there."

When I look back on my life I can see glimpses of this girl. I have no doubt this is just a glimpse of where I would be if it were not for the work of Christ in my life. He is my hope, my righteousness, and my redeemer!

Water fountain to Waterfall

2010-03-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

Overwhelemed. If I could think of one word to describe how I feel, thats it. Overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude, exhaustion, sadness and hope, some fear, excitement, unbelief, and joy. Just to name a few. The magnitude of everything going on inside of my heart and mind is too much to process in just one week. I can't believe I've only been here at SBS in Taiwan for ONE WEEK.

I have this tendancy to shut down and my heart can be so hard at times. I have been distraught lately at the lack of passion I felt. I felt a lack of gratitude for what Jesus did on the cross for me. I would watch videos of child trafficking and hear songs about it and not shed a tear. Warning: why do I feel nothing about what has plagued my heart and thoughts my entire life? Shut down to my savior who has done so much for me and emotionally bankrupt about the calling he has on my life. I have been warned that when I'm overwhelmed that shutting down is what I do.

It has been my prayer coming to Taiwan that the Lord would soften my heart. That I wouldn't recieve a ton of head knoweledge but that my heart would be transformed. Its day three and God has completely rocked my world!

No sad video or song about the enslaved people around the world can move me like God's word did today. It says in Galatians 1:3-5 that it is God's will that people are delivered from the present evil age and that he gave himself for this cause! The truth of this pierced my heart this morning in class. I sat there with tears streaming down my face and barely holding it together. I felt broken hearted for those in spiritual and physical bondage all over the world. I also felt true hope and joy unspeakable that God's heart for them is deliverance. I was more grateful today for what Christ did on the cross than I can remember being in a long time. I was also grateful and overwhelmed that God was answering my prayers. God spoke straight to my heart!

It incredible to me that when the world breaks my heart all I can do to survive is shut down. Yet with Christ, even though my heart gets broken, he brings a fresh wave of hope.

This was just the beginning of many heart revelations from only the first 17 verses in Galatians. Its amazing how understanding the context of just one word written in the Bible can unlock countless treasures. I think I was in tears the whole day; good tears, healing tears, changing tears.

In regards to reading the Bible, up to this point, I feel like I have just been taking sips from a water fountain. Now I feel like I'm standing underneath a waterfall!

Thank you God for speaking to my heart today! Thank you for wanting to deliver those in bondage! Thank you for bringing life!

SBS in Taiwan...

2010-02-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

A lot has been going on in my heart and my mind concerning the school of Bibical Studies (sbs) in Taiwan. During the 3 months in Kona I began to feel strongly that an SBS would be a really wonderful step so I began to pray about where I wanted to do my SBS. About 2 months into my DTS I felt a lot of peace and confirmation about going to Taiwan in March.

Some days I can barely stand to be away from home one day longer. I miss my family and my CT family SOOO incredibly much. I love where I am at but I miss everyone. It was getting to the point that a one week trip home, to see everyone, and then 9 months in Taiwan was feeling unbarable. I started to question my decision and began to pray about it again.

Not long after praying about it, I met a girl here in Russia who just finished the SBS in Taiwan. She has INCREDIBLE things to say about it. I was thinking, praying, and counting the cost and decided to go for it in spite of how much I miss home.

I am so excited about SBS for the following reasons:
1)I constantly have questions that I can't answer about the Bible
2) I am craving to understand the context for scripture as I'm reading
3) I desire a bigger picture for the whole Bible
4) I want to recieve the strong foundation that SBS offers in how to study the Bible for yourself, so that I can apply this for the rest of my life.
5) When I teach the Bible I don't ever want to misinterpret or mis-use scripture

The list goes on and on and on... I asked for confirmation and I am overjoyed that it is given to me daily.

SBS Taiwan...here I come!

Russian Rehab

2010-02-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

During my teams first week in Russia we had the oppertunity to visit a Christian rehab center in a village near Rostov, where we live. The rehab cneter is in the middle of no where and the scenery surrounding it was absolutely incredible. Upon arriving, my team spent about an hour visiting with and getting to know the staff at the rehab center. It is a 6 month period of intense Bible study and prayer. They never mentioned dealing with past wounds and hang ups but strictly focused on a disciplined life style. They believe that living a disciplined life of reading their Bible and working so that they don't have time to think about drugs and alchohol.

After visiting some with the staff we had a service for those in rehab. I was both extremely excited and sad. I was excited because the people were obviously hungry for God or a way out of their current life. I was excited because many of them were throwing their all into the process and in that seeking God. This also made me extremely sad because they are so focused on earning God's love that I'm not sure they really realized how much they are already loved. The women were all forced to wear head coverings and dresses.

My team shared testimonies, did skits about God's redemption, and then at the end I got to lead worship with my team member Katrina. We offered to pray over the people as we were singing over them and they all flocked to the front. My team didn't know how to pray specifically for their needs but then God began to give them specific words and pictures for each person they were praying for. God's presence was extremely thick in the room both times we went to this rehab center. The 2d tme we were there we even had multiple people make decisions to accept Christ for the very first time.

Back in the day that I got to lead worship and be apart of the Celebrate REcovery at Cross Timbers I remember thinking, "If I could lead worshi pat a recovery setting for the rest of my life, I would just love it!" Here I am a couple of years later getting to sing over and minister to those in rehabs in Russia. How crazy and awesome is that? I feel so blessed that God has me right where Im at!

I love Russia!!!

2010-02-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

Back in Kona while we were praying and deciding about which outreach location/team we would be on I had my mind and heart completely set on going to Cambodia and working with girls at a safe house. Out of all 5 possible locations I wanted to go to Russia and Turkey the least and was utterly disappointed when I found out I was placed on that team. I had absolutely 0 desire to go to Turkey or Russia. Once we started to study about the places we were going and praying for the 2 countries I began to get extremely excited about Turkey. I still could not wrap my mind around the idea of going to Russia.

I turned it over to God and just prayed that he would change my heart. Now I am extremely grateful that I was placed on this team. I have absolutely loved Russia nd could even see myself coming back here. I feel completely in my element here. God is so good!!!

My team has been staying at a YWAM base in Rostov and partnering with them in ministry. Even though the base has been around for many years they are currentely in a transitional and pioneering stage. I love the heart of the long termers here. It is not only to share about Jesus and salvation but to help the people in Rostov truly have their needs met and experience complete freedom.

During my stay in Rostov the ministry oppertunities have been endless. I have had the oppertunity to lead worship at 2 different Rehabs on a few occassions, to be the main care taker for 3 beautiful young children for a week, to teach at small groups, to pray over many people here (and even be a part of a healing), to go to orphanages and a couple of children's hospitals, and to put together programs/parties for churches and youth groups. I have also built some wonderful relationships with the Russian women here and have loved spending time getting to know them.

St. Johns continued...

2010-01-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks before our St. John's outing, a girl on my team, Breanna had a dream about a boy with a shrivled hand who had been in a bus accident. As my team left the ruins of St. John's church today we came across a begger with a shrivled hand and so we stopped to pray with and minister to him. Me and one other girl went and got the man some lunch. We found out that the man had been in a car accident as a 6 year old and that is why his hand was injured (also makes Bre's dream line up more). After visiting with the man we asked if we could pray for him. As we were praying a few men gathered around us as well.

They said that they respected Jesus as a prophet and as we prayed that were laughing and mocking God. They kept saying Allah over our prayers. I wanted so badly for God to prove that Jesus is God.

It broke my heart to hear God mocked but I know that God has us there for a purpose. It was worth being mocked to just stop and feed and encourage the man. They said that people are never nice to him and typically just make fun of him. When you read this, please say a prayer for all the dear men we met that day!

St. John's Church

2010-01-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

Surrounding the ancient ruins of St. John's church in Selcuk my team experienced many spiritual attacks. There is a dark opression covering Turkey and it is extra thick around the church. Byron, one of the guys on my team, had a mono over a year ago and during his ilness his spleen ruptured. On our last Sunday in Selcuk as he was walking by the church he had such a strong attack on his spleen that he almost passed out from the pain. While I am not one to see satan behind ever bush we do believe that the spleen attack and other things were attacks from Satan. The last day my team was in Turkey we decided to pray and worship inside the church. Our team was scared prior to going but our time inside was one of the most amazing experiences we have had so far.

Before we even left our apartment to go to the church I felt excitement bubbling over and out of me. I worshiped and then prayed the whole way there. Apon entering the church I felt complete peace surrounding me. My other team members said they had similar feelings inside of the ruins. There is a girl on our team named Katrina and she has been praying to see angels since she was 3 years old. The following is an account of what she saw and experienced written in her own words:

"I know you are here. I can feel it... somewhere between my heart and mouth, I feel it. The moment we walked in the large gated doors, I felt you. I heard you threw the breeze, I sensed you in the air. I looked up to the high peaked boulders to where the sun was shining on them, and there I knew were many joy filled angels. I still see them, sitting happily on the boulders and looking down at us singing praises. THey sway from side to side, eyes shut as we praise in unison to the one God. Laughing at the little things we do and the little storm clouds we hide from.

I see one standing next to Laura, sharing a mug of God's joy, as she prays over the city. I see one with one arm around Byron and the other hand on his spleen. The angel is giving him a message that God is so proud of him. I see two next to Miranda. There is a young boy dancing in worship to the Lord, and next to her a young girl beam at the voice God gifted Miranda with, I see one holding up Jeremy by his shoulders and singing wrods of encouragement and courage to his heart. I see another angel handing Breanna the brigtest of red roses with a bucket of over joyed laughs that will fill her future life. I see one walking along side Alicia, pointing out all God created for her entertainment and shouting out how much he loves her! I see three armed angels standing around Ben as one annoints him with oil! I see a younger angel preaching over John, giving him words of encouragement and wisdom, telling him of all the great things his future hods for him. I see two angels smiling over Mica, playing with her hair, singing of her pure heart and God's redeeming love for her. I see an angel dancing around Sarah and literally screaming how much God loves her, is proud of her, enjoys her and loving that she's married to him with all her heart! God is here! And He will never leave!"

What an incredible testimony of God's love for us. Every single one of these angels lined up exactly with how we both felt God was ministering to us. We found out later that at the exact same time Breanna's mom was praying and asking God to send us each an angel. She had no idea what we were facing that day.
During that time;
Byron- felt his spleen peacefuly pulsing
Jeremy- felt extremely encouraged when hadn't been feeling that way at all
Breanna- actually picked a red rose pedal while we were there, is always over flowing with joyful laughter
Alicia- Was noticing God's glory in all that was surrounding her
Ben- Felt extremely streangthened
John- Had an entire sermon down loaded in His mind and spirit there
Mica- felt her hair moving around, A LOT
Sarah- felt extremely blessed and touched by the angel

The greatness of St Johns continues in the next blog...

My Psalms 23- The Lord is my dance partner

2010-01-26T01:35:00.000-08:00

The Lord is my dance partner, I shall not want for more.
He lets me rest in His arms, he leads me to the glistening dance floor, my heart is overwhelmed. He guides my every move to mirror His.
Even when I don't know the dance or I trip over my own feet, I know God will catch me.
Your hands on my back and woven with mine uphold and guide me.
You twirl me around and show me off in the presence of those who come against me.
You pick me up and hold me in the sky, I feel like I'm flying.
Surely joy and love will be my rhythm all the days of my life and I will dance in the arms of my love forever.

Homeless ministry in Kona...

2009-11-22T17:55:00.000-08:00

During my first couple of weeks here in Kona I met a homeless lady named Linda. Linda was in a car accident a couple of years ago that causes her to have seizures. Since the accident Linda has lost her job and all of her possessions. She approached me and asked me if I could help her find a place to sleep. She said that most places outside are either unsafe for a woman or she gets the cops called on her. She said she was so tired that she couldn't function. She was very clean, very articulate and seemed completely sober. Seems like we often attach a belief that if a person is homeless they are druggies or alchoholics. After meeting Linda I have searched and searched and can't find an overnight shelter in Kona. L:inda and I have emailed a couple of times back and forth. I wish I knew how to help her. Thoughts... Ideas... please pray for Linda!

Week 7- Fear of God

2009-11-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

This week Matt Rawlings was here and talking about the fear of God. I've never really understood what that meant. Matt talked a lot about the nature and Character of God. God's nature is, "God is BIG!" We watched videos about how big and detailed the universe is. If we truly understand how big God is than we will understand that nothing is too big for God. If we understand how big God is we live in awe of Him. God's character relates to how good God is and knowing his character brings intimacy. Matt brought up an interesting thought... Would you ever chose to have intimacy with someone that you didn't know? If we don't know anything about God's nature or who God is, we cant be as intimate with God. I'm not saying that you have to know everything about God before you can be intimate but I do agree that as we come to know God better we can experience greater intimacy with him. No matter what happens in my life, will I decide to hold on to "God is big and God is good?"
Matt also said, "what you are looking for you will find. If you are looking for someone who doesn't like you, then you will find it." I seem to find that all the time. I'm also constantly looking for my own imperfections. In fact, it would seem that I live with mirrors surrounding myself. I'm so focused on being "ok" and being "healthy" that I miss God all the time!!! No matter what is going on in my life, God is big enough and God is good enough!
Ok.. so I feel like I'm rambling. It was a great week of lectures. I know this all sounds really simple but it barely scratches the surface of what we talked about. I'd love feedback. Questions, thoughts?

Candyland...

2009-11-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

For halloween this year my dts group helped Solid Rock Church with the event, Candyland. We actually set up a life size version of candyland. It seemed like a little kids dream land. We spent the whole day setting up and then got dressed up and played with kids all night. We had game booths set up and had loads of fun. I loved seeing all the cool outfits the kids had on. I think my favorite where all the princesses and the 2 nerds. I went as Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz. This picture above is of me and Hero. Hero is the son of our 2 leaders from Rawanda, Gabi and Margret. THey are amazing people. Please be praying for their family. Let me know if you'd be interested in hearing more about this awesome family.

week 5... relationshipsand hearing from Loren Cunningham about Nigeria!!!

2009-11-11T00:03:00.001-08:00

During this week the focus was placed on relationships.

For me the best thing that came from talking about relationships is that it got me to thinking about the dangers and sin involved with emotionally vacuuming from others and obsessing over relationships. I hope to have set some boundries that will bring freedom in my life and protection to those I enter in relationship with (feel free to ask me if you want more specifics).

Our speaker was a super spunky, straight forward woman, Faith Dutton.

Thursday was one of my all time favorite days in Kona. The founder of the Y family Loren Cunningham made it back from a long trip the week before and on Thursday night he shared with us all what God is doing in Nigeria. AMAZING!!! I'll give you a really condensed version of what he talked about.

When Loren and Darleen got to Nigeria they witnessed buldosers digging graves for the thousands of Christians who had been killed bc of their faith. The news wasn't covering it.
On the flip side Loren got to hear testimony from Militants who came to know God through 25 ywamers answering the call of God to share his love. The Militants are killing and stealing all over nigeria. It was an insanely dangerous call for the ywamers to go and love on the militants. WIth great courage they went anyways. As a result 200 militants accepted Christ, and 69 did a Discipleship Training Program. The militant camp ended up giving up all of their weapons and the latest report is that there are 2000 militants who accepted Christ and want to do a DTS. The government in Nigeria is saying, "what all of our arms and resources couldn't do God has done." THis is simply amazing! I love hearing about the miraculous and I love hearing about what God is doing in the nations.

Week 4...THe Kingdom Of God- AKA amazing

2009-11-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

10/19-10/23

Ok... So now I will attempt to blog about week 4. Saturday, 10/24 I went surfing with some people in my DTS. The place where we went had rocks in the place of a sand beach. The day that we went there were no waves. Always thought it would be difficult to surf but never realized how physically taxing it would be. By the time I paddled out I was just about spent. I rode one wave laying down and a little bit after paddled back to shore. So glad i went and want to go again when there are more waves. However I think I might just be a bigger fan of boogie boarding! so fun! I don't remember much else about what I did this week but I remember what I learned.

Don Stephens was the speaker during week 4 and he brought a guy Nyk with him. Don talked about different world views and about the Kingdom of God. I learned about Modernism, Post Modernism, Naturalism, Pantheism, Socialism, Communism, Islam, Evangelical Gnosticism (Religious Christianity) and most importantly the Kingdom of God. I love learning about things like this so during class this particular week I was on the edge of my seat furriously taking notes.

I'll list a revelation and some extremely important things I learned:

*Creation is made to reflect the glory of God. Mankind is made to reflect the glory of God. If God created me to reflect His glory than I am truly glorious in Him. I have something in me that draws mankind to observe the glory of God.

THis is significant to me because I always thought I may be pretty to God but I'm still undesirable to mankind. THIS CAN NOT BE TRUE if I am made to reflect God's glory. Also... this brings a whole new significance to my singing Opera. Not many people can reflect God's glory is this art but God has gifted me. I still don't want to seek a full time opera career but I would like to start practicing again. I miss it! I was created with a burning desire to be the best singer I can possibly be. I love practicing and studying voice. I lose passion for singing when I'm not learning more about it. This is the way God created me and I think it is significant.

*Christians often thing of evangelism in terms of a circle. The "saved" christians are inside and we are focusing on the rest making their way into the circle. Problem is... who really knows when others point of conversion is? When was Peters? was it when he confessed Jesus to be the Son of the living God? Not long after that Jesus says to Peter, "get behind me Satan!" Some people inside our circle may have gotten "saved" and not have any interest in knowing or seeking Jesus and then others outside our circle may be seeking after and searching to know Jesus more. What if we erased the circle and just started pointing everyone towards Jesus... no matter where they are at spiritually. It is my hope to be used of God to make disciples of all nations and not just converts.

*God's plan is for a kingdom. Jesus talks more about the Kingdom of God than anything else. It was the first message that Jesus preached (Matt 4:17). THe Kingdom of God is every place where the will of God is being done. It is everything gone wrong in Adam's fall reconciled in Christ. It is God's glory filling all things. It is the dance of the trinity extended to all of Humanity. We live with a mentality of waiting for Heaven. What untill then? I pray that
God's kingdom come in my life.

Thoughts... questions... ?

Blessings!

Week 3 Late in coming...

2009-11-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I am so sorry about my inconsistent blogging. It is now week 7 of my DTS and I havn't blogged since week 2. I'll try to catch you up as much as possible.

Week 3 was an extremely difficult week for me. I got physically ill and was running a fever. I also got extremely home sick.

Typically I function a little slower than others might. It takes me longer to perform task and it takes me longer to adjust to change. Although I am considered an extravert, it takes a great effort for me to interact with a room full of people and especially a room full of strangers. I long for deep relationships and would prefer to opperate with the comfort of having a few close friends. If I'm in a familiar environment meeting some new people can be very enjoyable but I still find it draining. THere are 50 students in my DTS and 400 students at the U of N. It is because of my personality that moving to a new place and being surrounded by strangers has been an on going struggle since I have been here. I often feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I'll be having an amazing time and learning large amounts of things one day and the next I feel overcome with loneliness and my old friend self deprication will come for a visit.

You know what I find amazing?! I have the oppertunity to watch the sunset everyday. In fact I couldn't avoid seeing it if I wanted to (not that I would ever want to not watch the sunset). The amazing thing is... no sunset is ever the same. They are all gloriously different and beautiful!

Every passing week God is bringing new challenges and insights. I am growing in friendships and feeling more like myself constantly. It still doesn't feel like home but I'm glad I'm here!

Fun stuff...

2009-10-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've been trying really hard to update everyone today. Seems to be slow in happening. I don't have much time left because in 45 minutes my group is leaving to work security for one of the biggest sporting eventsin the world... the Iron Man. 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking and 26 miles of running. Holy cow! Champs from around the world raced today. We are working the night shift and I will get to cheer on the "amateurs" as they cross the finish line. So amazing!

I can see the ocean from anywhere on campus. I can watch the sunset over the ocean daily. Been to the beach a couple of times. Joined a dance class that one of my fellow classmates has started. Get to worship with others every single day and never stop learning about God and His love. Can't wait for more growth and more adventures!

Week 2

2009-10-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

So this week in my class lecutre we had a guest speaker named Gwen. We focused on our own specific designs. We talked about our different personalities, dreams, experiences, identities, spiritual gifts and other gifts.

The area that hit home the most for me was my identity in Christ. Too often I look to others love for me or to my gifts to find worth and value. During the class at Cross Timbers, Foundations of Freedom, we talked a lot about this issue of identity. How the only way for your heart to really recieve the truth it needed was to ask God questions about your identity and have him speak directly to your heart. I have spent much of these past 2 weeks asking God to speak to me about who I am and who He is.

God spoke the word "Beloved" over me and said, "I didn't set you a part from the very beginning of creation so that you could run to other lovers." I long for intimacy with God and to know His love and His character more. I want to know in my heart who I am in Him.

There is a battle going on. One minute I am hungering for God and knowing that only he can satisfy and then next I am turning to others to give me value. One minute I am enjoying reading the Bible and the next it seems like the most boring and difficult of task. I feel so fickle. It's in your hands God. I surrender it all to you God.

pics from kona

2009-10-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

amazing sunset... this pic doesn't even do justice

My first week in kona...

2009-10-10T18:45:00.001-07:00

So many different experiences during my first week in Kona. The first Saturday my whole Compassion DTS group went to the beach. We had a wonderful time and it was a good bonding experience. However, I failed to put sun block on more than one time that day and ended up with a painful sunburn.
My first week was very challenging. I feel stripped of all my comforts. I was just another face in the crowd. I went from having a strong group of friends and church family to being a stranger. Not only that but I was as red as a tomato and had a fever blister covering majority of my bottom lip. I felt like a monster. It has been good because I've had no one but God to really turn to and recieve comfort.
The first week during our lectures we focused on being rooted in God's love for us. I have definetely had experiences these past 4 years where I have tasted God's love. Never have I had a season where I got to focus 100% on knowing God and His love for me like I can right now. Last week I felt so hungry to read the Bible and to interact with God about His written word.

Prayer request:
1. That I will continue to hunger for God and the Bible.
2. That I will be able to get good sleep at night (can be hard with 7 roomies and 6 sweetmates)
3. That my schedule will allow for time to spend reading and processesing
4. I miss having friends that I have a strong connection to. I'm struggling with loneliness.

My journey with the roaches...

2009-10-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

So... I'm sure most of you friends know how much I hate roaches. If ya don't then I'll tell you. I'm absolutely terrified of the things! I've embarassed myself many a times with a scream or intense crying after encountering a bug. Well, there are a ton of flying roaches here in Kona. Not only that but my work duty here is recycling. I help pick up all the recycling and sometimes sort through garbage. Um... welcome to roach city.

With that said, I'm actually excited about my work duty. I want to conquer this fear of the roaches. Gr.... lets do this!

First few days in Kona...

2009-09-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

September 26-

Wow! It has been an interesting couple of days and it feels like I've been here much longer. Got to the University of the Nations at around 4 on thursday. We spent the rest of the day settling into our rooms. There are 8 people in my small room (3 Americans, 1 girl from China, 1 Somoan girl, and 3 Korean girls). I'm excited about the oppertunity to get to know some girls from around the world and the small space, I'm sure, will be a challenge.

On Saturday we did somewhat of an orientation and then had a ceremony that night. We saw some Hawaiin dances from our group here called, "the island breezers." The dances were beautiful. Then we had a flag ceremony and introduced 41 countries in which we are all coming from. The night ended with a joyful time of worship and dancing!! Thats right... we danced a ton. Not going to lie, I got kinda excited when I saw a group start to do the electric slide, haha!

Today, my compassion DTS group bonded a lot as we went to the beach. I swam, rode a boogie bored, and did a little bit of cliff diving. Then we ended the day with some guy vs girl keep away in the ocean. It was a ton of fun!

I love my mentors. Their love for Jesus is evident and they already know us and have been praying for us. It's very encouraging. So far the biggest challenge for me is being just another face in a crowd. I have none of my close friends here and I'm not "the singer." Its just me and God. I have no other identifiers. I'm hoping to lean into him through this season and really understand who I am in Christ.

Oh... I almost forgot. It is beautiful here. You can see the ocean if you face one direction on campus and if you face the other direction there is a volcano (which just looks like a foggy mountainy area). I will post pictures on my facebook but they don't do justice to what all surrounds me. My classroom is outside under a pavillion and facing the ocean.

I do have my cell out here. Please feel free to call but don't forget I'm 5 hours behind you guys! Love and miss all of my peeps! Please keep praying. We will start our classes and everyting next week! Im excited and scared about trying a new church tomorrow. Please say a prayer about me finding a good fit. Alright, bye, for real!

Leaving for Kona

2009-09-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

September 24, 2009
I thought for sure after week of crying constantly while saying goodbye, that I would be a complete basket case all day today. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I layed there for several hours feeling much anticipation and much sadness over leaving my family and dearly loved friends. However, as I kissed my beloved parents and friend Cassie goodbye, I felt nothing but anticipation for this journey that I am embarking on.
I took a flight from DFW to Pheonex, Arizona. I had just an hour before my flight to Kona. I grabbed some breakfast, jumped on a bus and headed to the terminal my flight was departing from. I arrived just as they started to board our flight. As I started racking my brain about how I might find my fellow students(as I don't really know what they all look like) I began to hear people calling out my name. "we were searching for a girl with really curly hair!" Haha... guess they found me. It was so exciting to find them all there waiting for me!
I am so thankful for a peace that passes understanding. I'm thankful for a beautiful body of believers back home who I know are praying for me and this mission. Please be praying for the same peace and comfort for my folks. I love you dear friends back home.
It is my belief that God will continue the work he is started in me. He is eager to show me His love and teach me new things. In all things, the good and bad, I hope to live one day at a time in full surrender to my King.
Mandi- I am listening to our song and feeling like a dork. haha? Miss ya friends!

Kids....

2009-06-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

Everytime I hold one of my beautiful baby nieces or my nephew and everytime I play with one of the little ones at church I melt inside. I love kids. I'm watching a movie right now about kids that are abused and mistreated. I'm just sitting hearing crying. I feel so ancy to go help right now!

My first provision...

2009-05-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

So I was in my car yesterday driving back home from Fort Worth, praying and brainstorming for my finances. I have to raise about $11,000 of support for the program in September. I also need to figure out what to do about my car and student loans. When speaking to my DTS leader over the phone the night before, he voiced that his only concern for me was how I would take care of all my dept. Me too! I am praying about the possiblity of selling my car but I may owe more than its worth.
Neway... I was telling God in the car that I would sell or sacrifice whatever he wanted. My current living situation came to mind. "oh...not that. I finally feel settled and like I have a home. I love it there... but ok." I thought of a friend and was asking God for direction concerning how to ask her if I could stay with her for free for 3 months. When I ran into her at work that day and told her that I got accepted in the program an amazing thing happened. I didn't have to orchestrate anything. She suggested I move in with her for free. Isn't that awesome?! I'll have my own room, will be close to my church family, stay with a wonderful friend, and save about $1200.